Abrupt
by Hana Sakurano
Summary: Deep down, Eren knew that he'd never be able to forget.


Up, up they went. Eren couldn't help but glance out the window of the compartment he and Levi were in and stare at the magnificent scenery below.

Lights. Lights everywhere. Small dots of white, orange, yellow, as far as the eye could see. They were like stars on the ground, like precious stones laid on a plain of black velvet. Eren smiled; everything was so beautiful, so happy. Just like Levi-

Oh, if only he could claim the latter for Levi, he thought. Sure Levi was the exact definition of beautiful- prominent cheekbones, wonderfully chiseled lips, alluring eyes, but Eren, dense as he might be at times, could tell that he's definitely not _happy. _

Eren shivered; they're almost halfway to the top, and it's getting a bit too cold inside.

"Hey Levi," he began, "are your hands cold?" He knew the answer, of course; Levi's hands have always been cold regardless of the weather. Nevertheless, it was a good opportunity to hold hands with him. It was not as smooth as he would have hoped, but an opportunity is an opportunity and he wouldn't want any to pass him by.

Levi merely nodded, his eyes still glued to the lights that lit up the town. He held out his left hand for Eren to inspect - to hold – and closed his eyes when Eren linked their fingers together.

Eren squeezed his palm, and Levi squeezed back; in the silence of the night, they took in the view of the vast lands before them, relishing the moment that could end soon, too soon.

Eren adjusted his scarf with his free hand. "Everyone looks like ants from up here." He said. "I wonder, is this how the birds see us?"

Levi tore his eyes away from the windows to look at Eren. "Perhaps." He replied. "Maybe we do look like ants to them; if I were in the sky just like them, I'd be tempted to shit on anything I see, too."

Eren chuckled. Of course, Levi was bound to ruin the moment.

Some things just never change.

"They are free to do whatever the hell they want."Levi continued his voice almost as soft as a whisper; Eren could sense that he was trying his best to keep his emotions in check. "They are free to explore the places that lie before us, they can simply take to the skies and fly to their hearts' desire, they can shit on Hange Zoe's laundry any day...I envy them Eren."

_I envy them too, _Eren wanted to say, but he merely kept quiet. No, now was not the time to make himself appear weak in front of the man he loves. Levi has always been the strong one, the pillar of their relationship, and it hurt Eren to see him so weak and disheartened. This time, Eren has to keep himself strong for Levi.

"But we'll almost be like them, Levi." He said instead. "See? We can almost touch the sky. We're almost at the top."

Indeed, they were. At the peak, they were even able to see the lights that lit up the harbor. What looked so near would have actually been so far, Eren thought, for even though they can almost see the waves crashing onto the shore, the sea could be kilometers away. And yet he was so positive that he could reach it for himself, that he could simply get out of the compartment and walk to the body of water with Levi at his back.

But he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. At his position, the sea was unreachable. And so was Levi, even if they're holding hands.

_He doesn't want to let go._

Down, down they went. It was all happening so fast, and Eren wanted Levi to say something, anything. He wanted Levi to tell him that it would be all right, he'll always be by his side, he wouldn't let go. He wanted Levi to smile at him and agree that yes, they've gone as close to the sky as they possibly could. Heck, we wanted Levi to say something silly, something that might even ruin the moment once more, he wanted Levi to turn back to his old self, he wanted-

"I don't want this to end, Eren."

Eren's breath got caught in his throat. Sea green eyes looked at Levi in shock.

"I don't want to go back." Levi said. "I don't want to leave this behind, even if it's only a fucking illusion of the freedom I wanted so much. I don't want to face reality again, because reality has bitched with me enough already. I don't want to go, Eren, I don't want to let you go."

Eren could see Levi's mask breaking.

"I have wanted to do so many things. I wanted to see the world, I wanted to get a doctorate, I wanted to read so many books and watch so many movies and criticize them all...I wanted to do them with the person I love the most. I wanted spend the rest of my life with you."

Levi closed his eyes and scooted over to Eren. "I want to stay."

Eren buried his nose into Levi's hair. He swallowed back a sob.

"Then stay with me, Levi."

Eren knew that was too much to wish for. The ticket has been purchased; Levi will be leaving town the next day. The doctors in their area were not good enough to treat his illness; Levi have begged Eren to forget all about him, to move on with his life as if they've never met and to fall in love with someone else. It was hopeless, he claimed; he was bound to die soon, and should the surgery fail, he would die miles away from Eren, and it would only make it that much harder for the both of them. There was no way out, whichever choice he might choose.

But instead on responding straightforwardly, Eren invited him to join him on the Ferris wheel. One last time, he insisted, this is it. One last walk and they'd be done. No more. The love they have for each other was moribund, after all.

The ground was getting closer, and Eren placed one last kiss on Levi's forehead, then on his lips.

Deep down, Eren knew that he'd _never _be able to forget.

Still, he let go, because it was Levi's (last) wish.


End file.
